Why is Hollywood so damn adamant that I relive my adolescence?
In the past three years, I’ve endured sequels to “Top Gun,” “Ghostbusters,” and “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” These sequels are all descendants of 1980s movies, and they’ve all been mediocre to bad.
And now we have “Karate Kid: Legends,” a new entry in the “Karate Kid” franchise that began in 1984. Unlike the aforementioned sequels, there’s a reason why we’re getting a new installment: “Cobra Kai,” a spin-off series featuring original characters from the movies, just ended a six-season run on Netflix. It makes perfect sense that Sony would strike while the iron was still hot.
The original “The Karate Kid” was a heartwarming classic starring Ralph Macchio as Daniel LaRusso, a Jersey boy whose widowed mother moves him to Los Angeles. There, he is repeatedly bullied by Johnny Lawrence, the ex-boyfriend of his love interest. Lawrence is a member of Cobra Kai, a dojo whose students fight dirty and win competitions.
With the help of Pat Morita’s beloved sensei, Mr. Miyagi, Daniel learns karate and gets his chance at redemption when he battles Lawrence in a tournament. Daniel and Mr. Miyagi’s intergenerational friendship is credible thanks to Macchio’s boyish charm and the Oscar-nominated acting chops that proved Morita was more than just Arnold on “Happy Days” and Ah Chew on “Sanford and Son.”
“Karate Kid: Legends” not only brings Daniel back to the big screen, it also brings back Jackie Chan’s character, Mr. Han, from the 2010 remake that angered fans of the original. That film, which I admit I enjoyed, starred Jaden Smith as Dre, the Daniel clone, and Chan as the Miyagi stand-in.
The 2010 remake rehashes the plot of the original; “Karate Kid: Legends” rehashes it as well. This time, however, screenwriter Rob Lieber crosses the streams (sorry for the “Ghostbusters” terminology) of the original film and its remake, retrofitting Chan and Macchio into the same universe.
I’m not sure if that violates some unwritten law of cinema. But I am certain this movie should serve time in Predictability Prison. Lieber stuffs his script with so many overused clichés that it feels like a club described by “Saturday Night Live”’s Stefon. This movie has everything: The “wrong kid died” trope made popular by biopics, the owing money to the mob plot device, the washed-up boxer seeking another shot at the title, and the overprotective mother who disapproves of her son’s dangerous hobby. Plus, it has all of “The Karate Kid”’s plot, too!
Even at a mercifully short 94 minutes, this movie is exhausting. That would be fine if it weren’t also overly sincere, familiar, and dull. None of the characters here have the emotional weight of Daniel and Mr. Miyagi; the one-dimensional ways this film tries to inject grief and trauma pale by comparison to the first movie. This disconnect is made even more blatant once Daniel enters the story about two-thirds of the way through.
“Karate Kid: Legends” opens in 1985 Okinawa, where Mr. Miyagi explains to young Daniel-san how his Miyagi-do karate is related to the kung fu Han taught Dre. They’re two branches of the same tree, Miyagi tells him. I felt a bittersweet pang while watching the late Morita onscreen, but this is clearly an unwise retrofit designed to explain what Han is doing in this movie.
Fast-forward to the present day, where Li Fong (Ben Wang) is secretly practicing kung fu at his uncle Han’s school in Beijing. Li’s medical doctor mother, Dr. Fong (Ming-Na Wen from “Mulan”), is vehemently against this training, so much so that she accepts a job in New York City to drag her son away from his dreams of competing in martial arts tournaments.
“If you practice violence, you get violence,” she ominously intones, hinting at a past tragedy you can easily guess. Lady, you might get violence in Manhattan whether you practice it or not!
But I digress. In Manhattan, Li finds a potential love interest in Mia (Sadie Stanley), a feisty teen whose dad, Victor (Joshua Jackson), quit his successful boxing career to run the local pizza parlor. She calls Li “stuffed crust” after he commits the cardinal sin of asking for that type of pizza in a New York City pizzeria.
Stuffed Crust, I mean, Li, will also have to deal with Conor Day (Aramis Knight), Mia’s sinister and violent former boyfriend. Conor is the reigning champion of a five-borough underground fighting tournament, plus his sensei is a loan shark to whom Victor is in debt. Cue the requisite beatings from Conor and the eventual arrival of both Mr. Han and Daniel-san to help Li train for his tournament redemption.
“Karate Kid: Legends” can’t even decide just how good Li is at fighting. There are scenes where he opens up a can of whup-ass on three grown men sent to rough up Victor, yet he can’t seem to clobber one teenage bully.
Perhaps it’s my well-known, unhealthy affection for boxing movies, but I was intrigued by a subplot involving Li helping Victor to train for his return to the ring. For a moment, it felt like “Karate Kid: Legends” was going to pull a switcheroo and focus on this fight, especially since Wang has more chemistry with Jackson than anybody else.
I thought the film’s Daniel would become its Miyagi — but it’s just a short, clever deviation. We’re stuck with the expected martial arts climax, which is neither suspenseful nor staged well. In fact, a few people in my audience booed!
Though it’s a lousy retread, I don’t think “Karate Kid: Legends” deserved that boo. But if this film is any indication of the quality of this season’s movies, I must quote the Bananarama hit from the original movie: it’s going to be a “cruel, cruel summer.”
★★
KARATE KID: LEGENDS
Directed by Jonathan Entwistle. Written by Rob Lieber. Starring Jackie Chan, Ben Wang, Ralph Macchio, Ming-na Wen, Joshua Jackson, Sadie Stanley, Aramis Knight. At AMC Boston Common, Landmark Kendall Square, Alamo Drafthouse Seaport, AMC Causeway, suburbs. PG-13 (the series’ first PG-13 is for language, martial arts violence)
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