In his new book, “All in the Family: The Trumps and How We Got This Way,’’ Fred Trump III, nephew of Donald Trump, wrote that when he talked to the former president about the challenge of paying for care for his son who has disabilities, Donald Trump reportedly told him that “maybe you should just let him die and move down to Florida.’’
These words, echoing a similar sentiment Trump allegedly shared about other Americans with disabilities in a meeting with his nephew in the Oval Office, should not be lost in the immense catalogue of appalling things that Trump has said: Trump’s own flesh and blood advocated for another member of the family who has disabilities, and Trump told him to let the child die.
If Trump is incapable of showing basic empathy even to a member of his own family who experiences disabilities, how could he, as president, possibly represent the millions of Americans with disabilities or their loved ones, including families like my own?
Just over 36 years ago, after a normal pregnancy and 30 hours of labor, my doctor told me that I needed a C-section to deliver my husband Tom’s and my first born. Soon after, we found out that our son, Ben, had hydrocephalus, meaning that fluid in his brain had backed up rather than drained into the spinal column. Six months later, he was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, a movement order caused by damage to the part of the brain that controls muscles.
Ben has always lived at home with us. His cerebral palsy has robbed him of his ability to speak and walk, but it hasn’t changed who he is. Ben is smart and funny. He listens to audiobooks, loves to watch “Jeopardy!,’’ follows the news, and laughs at slapstick humor. He graduated from high school with the help of teachers, paraprofessionals, other students, and his community, people who have expanded our family’s very notion of what the word “family’’ means. Ben’s anchor caregiver has arrived at our home, five days a week, come rain, snow, and power outages, for 35 years. Another key member of our family is the adult daughter of one of Ben’s respite workers, someone he considers a sister. Our family is bigger, better, and stronger because of the people Ben has brought into our lives.
Ben also faces extraordinary physical pain and the frustration of not being able to communicate easily. He handles both with grace, patience, and bravery. Before Ben was born, I took the ability to speak and eat for granted. Now, of course, I don’t. Ben relies on a feeding tube for most of his nutrition and because he can’t control his fingers or eyes well enough to use a computer, his communication is limited to the use of his hands and, sometimes, movement of his eyes — looking up for yes, side to side for no. (I’m good at reading his hand movements, bad at reading his eyes, which makes him laugh a lot when I am trying to figure out what he wants.)
None of Ben’s limitations, though, prevent him from understanding the extraordinary cruelty of Trump.
It should not take having a family member with disabilities to empathize with those who experience disabilities or the people who love and support them. And one would hope that our presidents would care about all Americans, including those who are different than they are.
But it is particularly outrageous that Trump — someone who both wants to represent the American people and is a family member of a person with disabilities — is not only indifferent to the barriers and challenges that people with disabilities face but actually suggests that his own grandnephew should be allowed to die because he has a disability. We would be appalled to hear these words out of anyone’s mouth, let alone someone seeking our highest office.
Vice President Kamala Harris, on the other hand, understands what empathy looks like. We served together in the Senate, and she never fails to ask about Ben. She understands that finding common ground starts with learning about the challenges and aspirations of all people, not just the people you know or socialize with. She knows that real leaders love people for who they are, for who they can become, and for what they can accomplish.
Compare this to Trump. In addition to what he said about his grandnephew, recall that he mocked and mimicked a reporter with disabilities on the campaign trail in 2015. He seems unable and uninterested in learning about people whose experiences and challenges might be different from his own. And he has never exhibited the empathy necessary to absorb the hopes and the hurts that Americans who are different from him carry.
Our country is founded on the vision set out in the Declaration of Independence — that all of us are created equal and are endowed with the same rights. America has become stronger when our country has expanded its promise to marginalized Americans, including, yes, Americans with disabilities.
Making progress requires us to embrace each other’s intrinsic humanity. Our American mission is to bring out the best in each other — when we have, our country has flourished. Trump has proven that he is incapable of the generosity of spirit that has defined our country at its best. America deserves better.
Maggie Hassan is a US senator from New Hampshire.
